It's funny how life can change directions in the blink of an eye.
Sometimes, it is as though you weren't paying enough attention and had to do a 'double-take' to really understand how you ended up here.
This past year has had quite the variety of life's experiences for me. Maybe not as varied as some, but it has been a little all over the place.
In March, I learned that I have a higher pain tolerance than I ever thought was possible.
I learned that my 'close to the edge' feeling of unbearable pain really wasn't all that 'unbearable', it just felt really horrible and was constantly distracting. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you wish to see it), I learned that I was not yet anywhere near 'the edge' (Those of you with chronic pain will understand what I mean). I'd have to endure
a lot more pain to get to that point.
Which, to be frank, is not something I want to have to endure.
But that might just be a part of the plan for my life...
Here's how I learned those things: I tried a wide variety of prescription drugs (one at a time, over the course of six months) in a desperate attempt to mitigate my muscular and nerve pain. I put these poisons (that's what they are, in many ways) into my body, and all that happened involved a nice long list of side-effects, including
more nerve pain.
Even more pain than I already had. Mind you, I didn't even
consider these prescription drugs to be an option until I thought I couldn't possibly manage without them.
Apparently I was wrong.
Apparently I can go a lot further 'down' while still 'managing' to maintain my life in the midst of this pain.
I don't really think I do that great of a job at managing (I have trouble doing simple tasks: I have to choose between washing dishes or making dinner because I can't do both; I managed to get a job in the area of childcare but in all honesty my body simply can't handle it), but I'm apparently doing
well enough because I can still hold a conversation for a decent amount of time before everything starts getting a little, well, iffy. It's hard to explain. But pain is incredibly distracting, even subconsciously. Things tend to get a little jumbled.
So, in the midst of my long-suffering, I have decided to turn to my 'strong-suits' and those things which inspire me most. (You know, the things you get excited talking about, and actually put a smile on your face no matter what is going on around you)
In case you don't know me very well or haven't been following along, for me those things are:
- Crocheting
- Helping Others
- Singing
- Things related to God
For the longest time, I have tried having an Etsy shop dedicated to selling crocheted goods almost purely for the sake of charity.
That's what this blog was originally linked to and titled under! (In case you were confused by the name change -- Yes, this was HelpfulBlankets!)
I'm switching it all up now.
My life tends to throw me curve-balls regardless of what is going on, so I may as well be the cause of the chaos this time.
I'm closing my HelpfulBlankets Etsy shop sometime this month, and will be merging it with my ColorMeCrochet shop. It's a one stop shop! :-)
But the side of giving will be (almost) completely separate. (most likely any of my profits will go directly to materials and shipping for the sake of giving...I can just see that happening!)
I'm going to be starting a tiny ministry of prayer, and I hope you will join me. When it's all set up, I will invite you to email me the names of men, women, children and families whom you want to receive prayer (and a prayer shawl or blanket), in addition to any prayer requests you have for them.
I am going to spend the rest of my life helping others.
And since my body isn't so great at doing that, I am going to finally start realizing (and intentionally living out) that
the greatest thing I could ever do for someone else is to
pray for them. God is bigger and more able than any able-bodied person ever will be, so I'm going to give it all to him ... over and over again, for myself and on behalf of others.
It's not an easy thing to have a disability.
It's even harder to feel dis-abled.
But my God is constrained by no physical bounds.
And I am going to spend my life singing His praise and living as a servant through prayer.
