I don't actually know if I am typing a sarcastic 'wonderful' just yet, since I have not been on it long enough for any sort of effect -- whether good or bad.
It is an interesting feeling to face, knowing the number of failed attempts I have had with pain-reducing medicines. It can be hard for me to believe that there is even a small chance that this new one will work.
In some ways, though, the struggle is forcing me to a good place. A tough place, but it is good overall.
Over and over again I am being presented with medical information that tells me I have no power to change or control the chaos my body goes through. It is a very hard thing to face, and it can be easy to become burdened and depressed by some of the realities I may physically face in the coming years.
And I have absolutely no control.
I think that can be one of the biggest spiritual struggles for the wealthy and/or healthy -- God desires for us to relinquish our 'earthly need' for control. For us to recognize and accept His command over every aspect of our lives.
And at the young age of 23, I don't even have the option of control over my physical health. Not for the big things, at least. God is forcing me to accept total trust in His control over my life.
I have no idea where He is going to lead me physically, but I have complete confidence that He will be the One leading me.
And no matter how difficult it can be to live with so much uncertainty and lack of control, it is very comforting to be confident in the promises of God's plan.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
I have absolutely no control.
And that really is a good thing.
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